Monochrome
by Misoka Kai
Summary: Peter-centric. Peter thinks about all the people that comes and go in his life. Inspired by the song Tulus - Monokrom. Pairing: slight Deadpool/Spidey. One-shot.


**A/N: Please bear in mind that I'm new to the Marvel universe and in fact, only come to love it because of Spider-Man: Homecoming. I'm not sure where in the universe timeline is this fic, I would try sticking to the universe timeline but I need more… people in Peter's life, so… I'll explain more of the timeline in case it gets too confusing in the end notes. Bear in mind though that I learn of most of the events around Peter's life from other fanfics. And as to why this fic has come to life is because I was inspired by a song from my country, an Indonesian song titled _Monokrom_ (yes, that would be monochrome in English) sung by _Tulus_.**

 **Anyway, onto the story, English is not my native language so I'm sorry for any grammatical or spelling mistakes.**

* * *

Monochrome

* * *

 _Pieces of photographs in black and white_

 _I tried once again the clothes you wear that day_

 _It was the first time in my life_

 _That another human embraced me_

* * *

Peter was still small at that time. Very, very small. But he could remember the warmth his mother and father gave him. The love of his parents seeping through every being of him and he felt overwhelmed by the feeling. Remembering how he loves them just as much, if not more. They _are_ his parents, the two beings that has brought him to life and makes him feel loved for the first time. Present tense. Because it doesn't matter whether they're in the world or not anymore. They are still his parents.

He remembered feeling crush, his world utterly destroyed and bleak. Even though he was small, being smarter than kids his age, he understood the meaning of 'gone'. Not the gone of going on a vacation, disappearing suddenly, but still with the hope that they're _alive_ and _will come back_. No. Gone for Peter's parents are never coming back. He didn't understand why they were saying _gone_ though, because the correct term of it was simply _died_. But he didn't care.

They were on a plane crash. Zero chance of survival. And they're _gone_.

And that's all that matters at that time.

* * *

 _Pieces of photographs in black and white_

 _I tried once again to remember the scent of the house that evening_

 _Chocolate cake and colorful ballons_

 _The day of my birthday party_

* * *

Peter remembered waking up that day, Sunday and all, meaning _no school_ , and oh how he loved it because in school, despite the interesting things he learned everyday and would love to, there's just all those other, bigger kids, those bullies, and it just _hurt_ being hit and becoming a punching bag, to the point he welcomed the idea of lazing around all home. Or it probably wouldn't hurt stopping at the library for awhile. A certain theory in physics had interested him and really, most of the theories caught his interest anyway. But it never hurt to learn more, right?

"Be careful on your way, Peter, and don't come back too late, alright?" his aunt has said. And with that, he had gone off on his way to the library, half swimming in thoughts on ideas that come to him recently.

Just like any other library day though, he ended up reading until the librarian herself had to come over to inform that they would be closing soon. He laughed and scratched his head in embarrassment and thanked the librarian, putting the books back to their shelves and went on his way.

It was already dark outside and the air was chilly, the sign of incoming winter. He exhaled and watched as his breath has started to create puff of air and smiled to himself, feeling somehow giddy.

"Peter!" he heard someone called him and looked up. He saw Uncle Ben not too far away. "You're late. I was just about to come get you."

" 'M sorry", he said, chuckling in embarrassment, "The books were just interesting that I—"

"Lost yourself in time once again, yeah I get that", Uncle Ben laughed as he ruffled his hair. "You're smart, kid. You got a bright future ahead of you." He sighed. "Just like your parents…" He looked sadly at him. "If only they could see you now, they would be _proud_."

Peter smiled, fixing his hair. If only.

"Well, what am I doing talking about all depressing things!" Uncle Ben huffed out loud. "Anyway, don't you remember what day is it today?"

He tilted his head slightly. Did he forget an occasion? Was it Uncle Ben's birthday? Aunt May's? Their wedding anniversary? He seriously can't remember there was supposed to be something… "What? Was it the anniversary of your first date with Aunt May or something?"

Uncle Ben laughed. "Hopeless, aren't ya?"

What was it..? Oh. He thought as they stepped in the apartment. Aunt May was standing on the doorway, smiling, and holding a cake, chocolate, his favorite, with white icing, " _Happy Birthday, Peter!_ " written. And apparently, his aunt's smile is contagious because after that, he can't keep the smile from creeping in on his face.

They went to the dining room, all decorated with a simple balloons of all color and even five of them in alphabets, spelling out his name.

"Aren't I too old for this?" he said but the smile plastered on his face proved otherwise.

"Are you kidding? Twelve's still a very, very young age, kid!" Uncle Ben ruffled his hair, _again_.

And Peter could safely say that that day was one of the best days in his life because really, he felt _loved_ and his aunt and uncle's smiling face as he blew the candles out, looking at him as if he's really their child, and their soft voices of "Happy Birthday, Peter" would always be safe within his heart.

* * *

 _Pieces of photographs in black and white_

 _I remembered once again of a night where I would count the stars_

 _When my eyes refused to rest_

 _Your voice lulled me to sleep_

* * *

The bright, city lights were just like that night, only he was not viewing it from the top of a skyscraper but through the small window of his bedroom. It was another one of those sleepless nights where he would once again remember the death of Uncle Ben, on how he was _powerless_ to save him. Uncle Ben's death was his fault.

The day was particularly a bad day for Peter. He was frustrated and confused on the new powers he just obtained after being bitten by a mutant spider. It hurt but that was days ago and he woke up that day, gaining superhuman strength and found out that he could stick on walls and ceilings. How cool is that?

Only he had yet to learn to control it and was feeling out of it. And that day, he was simply feeling shitty, from school, new powers he had yet to learned, and Uncle Ben was _not_ helping. In the end, the fight ended up with him running out of the apartment. And there was no way Uncle Ben wouldn't be worried and search for Peter. But the search was ended up with Uncle Ben running to a bunch of punks, _with a gun_ , and by the time Peter had neared Uncle Ben and the punks, one of them pulled out a gun and shot Uncle Ben. Once, twice, thrice, and ran away. And there was simply nothing Peter could do but watch, right in front of his eyes, as blood pooled under Uncle Ben and it was all _because of him_.

He wasn't sure how he could forgive himself after that. He remembered the devastation etched on Aunt May's face and how she cried herself to sleep on most nights before she finally gathered herself enough to once again greet Peter with a smile. And life went on after that.

He ended up putting on a mask and creating his own suit, patrolling at night around the city, vowing to protect innocent people from the bad guys.

Despite his tiredness, he still wasn't able to sleep that night. He simply looked out at the window, looking at the bleak, empty sky, and tried to look for the stars, despite knowing that there's no way to find any since it wasn't a particularly clear sky and the bright lights of the city has finally defeated the little lights on the sky.

Aunt May entered his room then. "Can't sleep?" she asked softly as she walked to sit beside her Peter.

He looked down and shook his head.

She heard him sigh and a warm hand on his head. "I've been meaning to say this for awhile, but… it's not your fault, Peter." Peter turned to her. "Ben's death. It wasn't your fault. Never your fault."

The tears came then. "How can it not be? If I had not fight with Uncle Ben… if I had not ran out…"

She shook his head and hug me close. "It was the shooter's fault. Never you. Don't you ever dare think it's your fault. Because it's not, and never will be. We love you, Peter. And we still do."

He started crying then. He knew he probably didn't deserve it, but that's probably the things he needed to hear since the incident. He knew Aunt May probably suffered more, but he was just thankful that May would still accept him anyway.

In the end, he cried himself to sleep at the sound of Aunt May's voice whispering words of love and assurance.

* * *

 _We would never know how much time we were given_

 _If it does happen that I leave the world first, please don't forget about me_

* * *

It's been awhile since he joined the Avengers. The first person he met was Tony, with him suddenly appearing in his house as if he owns it. Well, he's a billionaire after all, he _could_ own Peter's house if he actually wanted to. But anyway, Tony was asking for his help. The famous man behind Iron-Man, Tony Stark, a genius inventor, and once again, a billionaire, is asking for _Peter's_ help. And oh, is he dreaming right now?

It was sad though, seeing the group break apart. The famous Avengers, known for a solid and unbreakable team, fighting each other. He loves every single one of the team members. As much as it pained him to fight against one of his idols, Captain America, he had a responsibility to uphold, and he did.

It took sometime for the group to finally mend their broken rift and once again came together. It was then that Peter finally joined. That's when he decided to think of him officially joining, because being a team that's called Avengers but without Captain America and the several other heroes that sided with him on the war, was not being an Avengers.

It was downright awesome after that. They were friendly and besides, Peter could see their daily life where they didn't have any image to uphold and the heavy burden that needed to be carried on their shoulders. Not to mention, being the youngest member, they dotes on him the most. And besides, he have a new, super-awesome suit with too-much-to-be-counted functions with an AI implemented in it, in which he had taken the initiative to call her Karen.

He understands though, that this line of work, they are dealing with dangerous things. Peter may be young, but the enemies and bad guys don't care of their opponent's age. There was always a chance that Peter would die first, _gone_. He thought about it sometimes, a fatal attack from an enemy, captured by the enemy and tortured to death, under the debris of buildings, trapped underneath in the darkness and unable to move (he actually shudders at that, he hopes he won't develop claustrophobia), dying somewhere, alone and hurt, with no one to help him, no last face or smile to see, just him, and darkness.

That's why he makes sure to always repay the team at any given moment. Makes sure that they know that Peter loves them. They _are_ family. And he hopes, no matter what happens, they would never forget him, and he knows he will _never_ forget them.

* * *

 _Wherever you are right now_

 _I'll send you my 'thank you'_

 _For the colors in my life and the many beautiful memories_

 _You paint me to who I am now_

* * *

Peter sighed at the cityscape in front of him. The bright lights, the sound of wind on high up above. He felt best here, in the silence. Times like these makes him remember of all the 'hello' and 'goodbye' that had happened in his life. He wasn't perfect, he knew. He's not the best son, the best nephew, the best student, the best friend, the best guy, the best teammate, the best superhero, and there were times where he felt worthless and the world was better off without him. There were ups and downs in his life, yes. But he knows now that nobody is perfect, not even the famous Captain America and the billionaire Tony Stark.

He stood, looking at the city he loved down below. But still, all of the good and bad things in life has made the him right now. Once a blank canvas, painted all over with the colors of various people he met and left in life, creating, probably not a masterpiece, but a piece of art filled with all kind of feelings, emotions, and memories standing strong on his ground right now.

And he was grateful for that.

For his parents, for his uncle, for his aunt, for his friends, for his teammates, for everyone in his life, really.

He smiles behind his mask. Running to the edge of the building and leaping to the welcoming arms of the wind, he stretched his arms out for a moment to enjoy the feeling before aiming his web to a nearby building and swings away.

He has a city to protect after all.

* * *

 _A black and white monochrome page_

 _I tried to remember each and every single color in my life_

 _I will not have known love_

 _If it's not for your wonderful heart_

* * *

"Spidey!"

He turns to the familiar black and red waving at him on top of a building. He leaps in front of the man and is welcomed by a warm embrace and the familiar scent of gunpowder and tacos. "How have you been, baby-boy?" Deadpool asked, cheerful as always.

Peter laughed, taking off his mask. "Fine, Wade."

"Good to known, little spider", he replied, taking off his mask as well, revealing a scarred but to Peter, still beautiful, face, a smile adorning it.

Peter stared at Wade's eyes, seeing all the love he holds. He hopes Wade could see how much he loves him too.

"What is it, baby-boy? Feeling like being spoilt right now?"

Peter laughed and buried his face on Deadpool's shoulders, replied by a pair of strong arms on his back. After a brief silence, he finally said. "I love you."

Deadpool started planting kisses on his hair. "And you do know I love you too, my spidey."

Peter's smile grew wider. "Thank you, Wade."

"Anytime, love."

 _~Owari_

* * *

 **A/N: I'm sorry but I have no regrets on the ending. I thought of making it with MJ or Gwen Stacy, but… while MJ is cool in Homecoming, I'm still not sure and I don't know about Gwen Stacy enough to write about her and his relationship to Peter! And besides, I thought of Spidey and Deadpool as one of my best ships ever because Deadpool's just actually broken inside but still love Spidey with all his heart and would give _everything_ for him and Spidey just finally accepts Deadpool for all he is, scars and all. Or at least that's how most of the other fanfics picture it so…**

 **And I took the liberty to translate parts of the song to English! I've mostly translated almost all of the part only not in the correct sequence.**

 **Also, right, the timeline; it's probably somewhere between Civil War and Homecoming but with a few tweaks… like how the Avengers are back as a group already, and how Spidey already knows Deadpool… long enough to fall in love with each other even, and I've read a fair share of fanfictions of how his parents are actually some sort of agents for S.H.I.E.L.D and was killed in a mission, but nope, here's just a plain plane crash and I'm not sure too whether or not Uncle Ben really is killed by some punks not long after Peter got his power. So, anyway… most of it are more or less my assumption. I apologize if it disturbs you but eh… I thought of putting Oscorp in but I thought that means I have to put Harry in… and I just don't know him enough… And I'm not the smartest student, not the brightest kid that I ended up putting 'theory' and 'physics' together, just to show Peter's genius side.**

 **Oh, and I'm not sure where to put it in so I choose Avengers...**

 **So anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy that! …And you should totally check the song. :)**

 **-Kai**


End file.
